Outta Time

Ever since I was little, my REM sleep from around 4:00 AM on has consisted of my subconscious attempting to devise a self-convincing reason to remain in bed. The best one ever was today’s: I imagined, quite convincingly, that my alarm clock was actually a time machine, and if I simply set the alarm for some time in the past, say, 8:00 AM when I was supposed to get up, I could hit the snooze and instantly transport back from whatever time I decided to sleep in until.

At some point shortly after waking up at 11:23 AM, I came to the conclusion that this would not work. But, good news, it gave me an idea!

I’m going to build a time machine alarm clock. I’ve got two alarm clock displays, one red, one green. Are you on board yet? Yes indeed, the next thing we’ll need is a flux capacitor. With a little keypad, I’ll set the destination time (the alarm time, for you clever little rats) on the green display, and when the times match, and the clock hits 88 miles per hour… BOOM! The flux capacitor kicks in, and a Walkman starts playing Van Halen with Darth Vader’s voice telling me to get the hell out of bed because time travel in the Back-to-the-Futurian sense is impossible due to causality issues and in blatant violation of the first and second laws of thermodynamics and the Temporal Prime Directive you lazy jackass. Pwnage!

I don’t think the Electric Company will take kindly to me using 1.21 jiggawatts [sic] off their grid, and I don’t know any Libyan nationalists with a mind to steal reactor-grade plutonium, nor do I happen to own a coffee grinder containing a refuse-fueled cold fusion reactor… but I always figure something out.

P.S. I’m SO clever. This entry is backdated to 8:00 AM this morning… :)

Dec 12th, 2006
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